As our parents age, it’s natural for us to want to do everything we can to help them. Whether that means helping with groceries or doctor’s appointments, being there for our parents is always a top priority. This means finding your voice to become an advocate for your aging parents.
It can be difficult to watch a parent age. As their child, you want to do everything you can to make their life easier and help them through this difficult time. However, it can be difficult to know how to best help them when they are resistant to change or accepting help. In these cases, it is important to be their advocate. Here are some tips on how you can become an advocate for your aging parent. It’s not an easy role to take on, but it’s one that you can handle with grace and compassion.
The first step is understanding what your parent needs and wants. This can be difficult to determine because they may not always be forthcoming with information. Try to have open and honest conversations with them about their plans for the future and what they see as their ideal situation. It is also important to involve other family members in these conversations so that everyone is on the same page.
We are Your Nurse Advocate Consulting. We specialize in education for adult children of aging parents to become advocates and make informed decisions regarding their healthcare journey. We share a 3-Step process to put a plan in place to take away the overwhelm reduce the stress and give you the support, so you are not alone on this journey especially if you live away from your parents even as little as an hour!
Our first step workshop is Identifying the Needs. 11 Signs Your Aging Parents Need Help in the Home. We identify your parents’ needs and then begin to sort through the potential resources that are needed to keep you parents at home safe for as long as possible. We also look at the documents that need to be in place as they age.
Tips for Becoming an Advocate for Your Aging Parent
1. Be respectful of their wishes. Remember that your parent is an adult and, as such, they have the right to make their own decisions—even if you don’t agree with them. You will always be their “child” so a little 3rd party help or resources can possibly go a long way. If they’re adamant about not wanting to move into assisted living, for example, try to respect their wishes and work with them to come up with another solution that will work for both of you. As long as your parents are still competent to make their own healthcare decisions, they have the right to make a wrong decision. This is an especially hard thing to wrap your head around and accept.
2. Keep communication lines open. It’s important to keep the lines of communication open with your parent, even if they’re resistant to talking about certain topics. If they’re not comfortable discussing their health issues with you, see if there’s someone else they would be willing to talk to—a trusted friend or family member, perhaps. The goal is to get them talking about what’s going on so that you can better understand their needs and how best to help them.
3. Be patient and understanding. This is likely a difficult time for both you and your parent, so it’s important to be patient and understanding with each other. There will be good days and bad days; just take things one day at a time and remember that you’re in this together.
4. Seek out resources and support. Don’t try to go it alone—seek out resources and support from others who are in similar situations. There are plenty of online forums and support groups available; find one that feels right for you and lean on your fellow advocates for advice and guidance when needed. Our services are virtual. If you would need “in home” advocate services, we have a large network of Board-Certified Patient Advocates across the county. We have access to both clinical advocates to assist with medical needs and billing advocates that can help with medical bill concerns and insurance claim issues.
5. Have realistic expectations. It’s important to have realistic expectations when taking on the role of advocate for your aging parent. You can’t do everything, and that’s okay! Do the best you can with the resources you have available, and know that even small steps can make a big difference in your parent’s life.
Once you have a good understanding of what your parent needs, you can start working on a plan to help them get there. If they are resistant to change, start small. Maybe there are some simple changes that can be made to their daily routine that will make things easier for them. For example, if they are having difficulty getting around, maybe installing a stair lift or handrails in the shower would help. If they are struggling with their finances, see if there are any government benefits or programs that they qualify for. If medication management is a concern we can help you select the best option to remove this barrier. The goal is to make things as easy as possible for them while still respecting their wishes and independence.
Our Step Two Workshop builds on the first series. During this workshop we take it to the next step. Putting the resources in action. Selecting, vetting, and lining up resources. We cover hiring a private caregiver whether from an agency or private. We address all your challenges and identify how we can overcome these obstacles. To stay in the know when our next workshops occur consider receiving updates on new educational opportunities. You can SIGN UP HERE and receive our free checklist on 11 Signs Your Aging Parent Needs Help in the Home.
If your parent is dealing with a serious health issue, you may need to get more involved in their care. This could mean helping them make appointments and go to doctor’s visits, managing their medications, or providing transportation to and from treatments. It is important to consult with other family members and your parent’s health care team to determine the best course of action. The most important thing is that you make sure your parents feel comfortable and respected throughout the process.
Our final workshop in the series is Putting the Plan into Action. All loose ends are tied up and we have a plan in place that is ever changing to meet the needs of your parents as their care continues to evolve. We also have a free community forum available to you to discuss, vent, learn, and gain information while “Speaking Out on the Care of Aging Parents.” We also have a workshop on Sharing the Load, How to Involve Siblings in the Care of Aging Parents which can be a struggle for some families. Lastly, we have a paid community where you can get individual assistance and it is like having an R.N. in your back pocket when the need arises. 1:1 Consultation is always available, and everyone gets a free 30-minute discovery call to see what your specific needs are and if we can help you put a plan in place.
Becoming an advocate for your aging parent can be a daunting task, but it is important work. Remember to be respectful of their wishes, keep communication lines open, be patient and understanding, seek out resources and support, and have realistic expectations. By taking the time to understand their needs and desires, involving other family members in the process, and working together as a team, you can ensure that your parents receive the best possible care and have a voice in their own health care decisions. Remember all they want is to maintain as much independence as possible.
We hope you have gleamed a few nuggets from this blog post on your way of becoming an Advocate for your aging parents. We will see you back here soon.
Take care,
Pam and Linda
Your Nurse Advocates
