The holiday season is a magical time of year, filled with fun, family, and festivities. However, for caregivers of aging parents, the season can bring added pressure and stress. If you are a caregiver, you may feel overwhelmed with the added responsibilities of caring for your loved ones during a time when most people are celebrating. It is crucial to take care of yourself while taking care of your aging parents. In this blog post, we’ll share 10 strategies to help you cope and make the most of the holiday season.
If you’re a caregiver of an aging parent, you need to understand that you’re not alone. With some proactive steps, you can ensure that you survive the holiday season without sacrificing your physical and mental health. This blog post will provide you with some useful tips on how to cope with the added pressure and take care of yourself during the holidays.
As a former Emergency Department RN those Holiday shifts were often sad. It was a popular time for family members to drop off their aging parent to the ER because they were so stressed out with all the Holiday obligations they could no longer cope with caring for their aging parents. They would drop them off and say they can’t take care of them and felt they would be left in good hands in the ER and we would find a safe place for them to go.
This holiday season, you can avoid feeling overwhelmed and stressed out by taking some proactive steps. If you are caring for aging parents during the holidays, here is our guide to help you cope:
1. Prepare and Plan Ahead
The key to avoiding stress during the holidays is preparation and planning. Create a list of everything you need to do, from shopping for gifts to cooking holiday meals. If you need help with caregiving, reach out to family members or friends and ask if they can provide assistance. If you’re traveling with your aging parent, book flights and accommodation well in advance. This will help you avoid any last-minute stressors. Consider any medical needs they will have while traveling. Make sure you have enough medications or other supplies while away from home. Have your “To Go” folder ready to take with you.
Consider the need for a respite stay. Assisted Living, Nursing Homes, and Hospice have the opportunity for you to privately pay for a respite stay for your aging loved one. If your loved one is on hospice, the agency can arrange for the respite stay for you. Reach out to Your Nurse Advocates to assist you in planning for the care of a loved one if you will be away for the holidays. Look into a respite stay as soon as your decision is made to ensure you will have a spot in a place that can accommodate your aging loved one.
2. Set boundaries with family members and Delegate Responsibilities:
Many families have a tendency to come together during the holidays and put unrealistic expectations on caregivers of aging parents. Setting realistic boundaries with family members can help to manage expectations and reduce stress. This is a great time to plan ahead reaching out to family members and siblings to share the responsibility of caring for your aging parents at this time. There are so many time obligations during the holidays that you need help. This is not the time to do it all on your own. Sometimes even a few hours of free time for you can go a long way to reduce stress as you prepare for the season.
Many families have a tendency to come together during the holidays and put unrealistic expectations on caregivers of aging parents. Setting realistic boundaries with family members can help to manage expectations and reduce stress. This is a great time to plan ahead reaching out to family members and siblings to share the responsibility of caring for your aging parents at this time. There are so many time obligations during the holidays that you need help. This is not the time to do it all on your own. Sometimes even a few hours of free time for you can go a long way to reduce stress as you prepare for the season.
With boundaries set realistic expectations. During the holiday season, we often set high expectations for ourselves and those around us. However, it’s important to remember that things don’t always go according to plan. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your aging parent. If your loved one has mobility issues or is experiencing dementia, plan activities that suit their ability level. Allow for flexibility and be open to change.
Start by creating a comprehensive checklist of all your caregiving responsibilities and add the holiday tasks to it. Try to delegate some tasks to family members, friends, or hire a professional caregiver to provide some much-needed relief. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and you don’t need to do everything by yourself.
3. Communicate Openly:
Communicating openly with your aging parents, other family members, and friends can be a powerful stress reliever. Talk to them and openly share your thoughts, feelings, concerns, and ask for their help or support if needed. You can also join support groups, connect with other caregivers, or seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed.
4. Incorporate Traditions
Traditions can be a powerful tool for connecting with your aging parent and bringing joy to the holiday season. Incorporate traditions that you both enjoy, such as baking holiday cookies or watching your favorite holiday movies. If your parents are unable to participate physically, you can read favorite holiday stories to them or share memories from past holidays.
Sometimes, modifying some of the holiday traditions can be a valuable way to reduce the stress levels and make it more manageable. For instance, instead of hosting a grand holiday dinner party, you can plan a small family gathering or have a potluck style dinner to split the workload.
5. Make time for yourself:
It is important to make time in your schedule each day or week to do something you enjoy, such as reading a book, going for a walk, or watching a movie. This can provide much needed respite from the daily stress of caring for aging parents during the holidays.
As mentioned above, this is a great time to put together a schedule with family members to pitch and take some time away from your caregiving duties. Taking time to plan ahead goes along way with everyone in reducing the stress and planning for extra time to fit caregiving into their schedule.
Self-care is essential for caregivers of aging parents all year round, but during the holidays it takes on a special importance. With all the demands of an aging parent’s care and holiday preparations, it can be easy to forget about yourself. Make sure to take time out for activities that help you relax and recharge, like taking a walk or reading a book. Practice some self-care techniques like exercising, sleeping well, eating healthy, and taking a break when needed. You can also engage in mindfulness techniques such as meditation or yoga to reduce stress levels and promote relaxation.
6. Seek support:
Many caregivers feel isolated in their role, but there are numerous resources available to provide emotional, informational, and practical support. Consider joining a caregiver support group or finding an aging care specialist who can help with tasks such as creating respite plans or advocating for your aging parent’s needs.
It’s important to remember that you don’t have to face the holidays alone. Seek out support from family, friends, and organizations like community aging centers or online support groups. Connecting with others can help provide emotional comfort and practical tips for dealing with holiday stress. Again, this would be a great time to reach out to a Patient or Health Advocate to assist you in planning for a great Holiday while continuing to take great care of your loved ones. Learn more about Your Nurse Advocate Consulting HERE.
Before the holidays approach, it is a great time to reach out to an Advocate to have them assist you in planning for managing your life and caring for your loved one. An Advocate can help look for assistance such as a private caregiver, respite, adult day care, or help you pull together church or other community resources to free up some of your time and reduce your stress of “not knowing how I will get everything done”.
You will most likely have other family obligations with your own children or grandchildren, and you want to make sure you plan for time to meet your own family needs.
7. Prioritize your aging parent’s needs:
This can be especially challenging during the holidays when there is an added desire to create a “perfect” holiday experience or meet all of the demands of family and friends. It is important to remember that you are caring for aging parents first and foremost, and you should prioritize their needs above all else. Consider creating a schedule for the holidays that allows for ample time to spend with aging parents, as well as setting boundaries around what activities or obligations you can and cannot take on.
8. Create an environment of acceptance:
Accepting aging parents’ limitations, preferences, or desires–no matter how challenging they may be is a key factor in reducing stress during the holidays. Many aging parents may have difficulty expressing themselves or feeling overwhelmed by the holiday atmosphere, so take time to talk and listen with patience, understanding, and compassion.
9. Practice the art of Gratitude:
It’s easy to get caught up in the stress of the holiday season, but taking time to practice gratitude can help shift your mindset and bring a sense of peace. Take a moment each day to reflect on the positive aspects of your caregiving journey and your relationship with your aging parent. This can be especially meaningful during the holiday season.
Despite all the challenges and stress, it’s essential to remind yourself of the blessings that surround you. Taking a moment to reflect and express gratitude can shift your mindset toward a more positive outlook. Whether it’s by starting a gratitude journal or sharing a thankful message at the dinner table, practicing gratefulness can uplift your spirits and provide comfort, especially during trying times.
10. Controlling Expectations:
I will never forget as a young nurse it was my job to pick up my grandpa at the nursing home and bring him home for Christmas Day with our family. Grandpa had both Alzheimer’s Disease and Parkinson’s Disease. The pickup went fine, and we all took turns sitting with grandpa making sure his needs were met and reminding him of family names and our Scandinavian traditions.
As many others do, I personally struggle with wanting each Christmas to be perfect. The food, the gifts, the family interactions, the decorations, time to play games, etc. Often times things would get interrupted. Grandpa had to go to the bathroom often and someone had to take him each time. He didn’t often use his silverware appropriately and needed assistance to eat. That Christmas was spent caring for grandpa didn’t leave time for much else.
The ride back to the nursing home was another story. Suddenly I was viewed as a “Spy” and he became very paranoid with me and refused to get in the car with me and felt I was going to kidnap him and keep him hostage. Unfortunately, this behavior can be a normal occurrence with Alzheimer’s and that day of all days we struggled with behavior issues.
It took about 30 minutes to reverse this situation. We started over. I told my mom to take him back to the house and he calmed down and now felt safe. I stayed away for a few minutes and then a half hour later we tried again. This time he cooperated completely and was at ease with me taking him back to the nursing home.
We can make a situation worse with unrealistic expectations for the Holidays. It is ok that everything is not perfect or compliant with your time schedule. We need to be more flexible and try very hard to just “go with the flow”. Focus on creating memories and enjoying spending time with your loved ones. That was the last Christmas with grandpa, and I wouldn’t have changed a thing about that day.
Conclusion:
As a caregiver, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed during the holiday season. However, with some preparation and planning, realistic expectations, self-care, traditions, and gratitude, you can cope with the added pressure and make the most of the season. Remember, taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your aging parents.
By following the Holiday Survival guidelines for caregivers of aging parents will be able to better manage the stress of the holiday season. Whether it’s taking time for yourself, seeking support from others, or setting realistic expectations and goals, these tips will help keep you healthy and focused on providing your aging parents with the care they need. Ultimately, remember that although caring for aging parents can be challenging during the holidays, it is also an opportunity to make lasting memories and show your appreciation for all that they have done for you. With the right guidance and support, you can enjoy a stress-free holiday season with your aging parents. Remember, it’s okay to seek help, delegate responsibilities, and modify some traditions to make it manageable. Above all, take some time for yourself and cherish the moments with your loved ones.
Lastly, it’s important to remember the true meaning of the holidays. While it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the season, don’t forget the real reason why you’re celebrating. Take the time to reflect on what’s truly important in your life and enjoy the moments you have with your loved ones.
Linda and I wish you and your family a very Happy Holiday Season and a New Year filled with hope, love, prosperity, and full of new adventures and memories.
Please join us in our community and get on our email list to continue to receive new tips and strategies to care for aging parents or grandparents. You can grab our “Your Nurse Advocate’s Ultimate Guide to Our Free Resources” HERE and get a head start on compassionate care for your aging parent while getting peace of mind for you and your family.
Take care and see you back here soon,
Happy Holidays!
Pam and Linda
“Compassionate Care for Aging Parents, Peace of Mind for Adult Children.”
Resources:
Holiday Hints for Alzheimer’s Caregivers-Institute on Aging
