Caring for aging parents as a family can be a rewarding experience that brings you all closer together. But the journey it’s not without its challenges. Unequal responsibilities, resurfacing sibling rivalry, financial disputes, and old family dynamics can make it hard to collaborate effectively. Maintaining successful communication and teamwork takes effort—but it’s possible to overcome these obstacles.
Below, we’ll cover challenges siblings often face while caring for aging parents and actionable tips to improve communication and collaboration. If you would like to know how your siblings might do working together, take our free quiz. Learn more about your family dynamics and how these can impact your ability to come together to care for your aging parents.
Common Challenges When Caring for Aging Parents
Unequal Division of Caregiving Responsibilities
Feel like you’re doing all the caregiving while others get off easy? You’re not alone. This is one of the most common sibling struggles, especially if you live closer to your parents than others. Resentment can build if roles and responsibilities aren’t clearly defined.
Disagreements on Care Plans
It’s hard to make everyone happy when decisions need to be made about your parent’s care. From where they’ll live to medical treatments and end-of-life care preferences, each sibling may feel passionately about what’s “best.”
Financial Strain
Managing your parent’s money—whether it’s handling expenses or funding their care—can be tricky. Without open communication, misunderstandings or conflict over finances can escalate quickly.
Old Sibling Dynamics Resurface
What’s more frustrating than disagreements now? Old family dynamics adding fuel to current conflicts. Long-standing sibling rivalries and unresolved issues often resurface when emotions run high.
Navigating the Sandwich Generation
It’s tough enough to juggle your own family and job—adding caregiving can lead to emotional and physical burnout. This is a struggle many in the “sandwich generation” face, trying to find a balance.
Actionable Tips for Smoother Sibling Collaboration
1. Schedule Regular Family Meetings
Open communication is key. Set up routine check-ins (in person, on video calls, or even group chats) so everyone is on the same page. These meetings give everyone a chance to voice opinions and make collective decisions. Here is a Free Family Meeting Caregiving Template that will help you focus and stay on track.
2. Assign Clear Roles and Responsibilities
Divide caregiving tasks fairly based on each sibling’s strengths and availability. Maybe one sibling handles medical appointments, while another oversees finances. Clear assignments prevent anyone from feeling like they’re carrying the load alone. Finding your sibling’s “Zone of Genius” is crucial in determining what they can and will do to help.
3. Use Technology for Coordination
Stay organized with apps and tools designed for caregiving. Shared calendars like Google Calendar or apps like CareZone can keep everyone in sync for appointments, tasks, and updates. Deciding on a family method of keeping everyone is the loop will help avoid anyone feeling “left out.” We use a text message group. We also have a private Family Facebook page. Whatever method works best for your family, just choose your form of communication and keep it consistent.
4. Be Honest About Finances
Nothing fuels tension faster than money. Keep financial discussions open and transparent. Work together to create a plan that works for everyone, and don’t be afraid to get outside help from a financial advisor, if needed. In keeping my lost mother-in-law’s bills done after her passing I would send pictures via text to what I have paid and kept everyone informed on what the balances were on her accounts on a monthly basis so there were no questions where the money was going.
5. Practice Empathy and Understanding
Remember, everyone has their own stresses. For example, a sibling living far away may feel guilty about not being able to help more. A little bit of empathy can go a long way in fostering cooperation. There are many ways for a sibling to assist long-distance. We will include a video on that topic.
6. Set Boundaries and Prioritize Self-Care
Encourage siblings to prioritize their own health and well-being while caregiving. Burnout benefits no one. Discuss boundaries and recognize when outside help (like home healthcare aides) might be necessary. Find some time to spend “fun” time together and allow “caregiving” talks to be off the table. Have some fun together without the stress of the caregiving process.
7. Focus on Your Parent’s Wishes
Agree to prioritize what your parents want above your personal preferences. Having their wishes documented—like powers of attorney, an advanced healthcare directive, or a will—can help avoid conflicts. Don’t put off getting their affairs in order. It’s a step that benefits everyone in the long run. Following pre-prepared wishes by your parents takes away everyone’s personal thoughts on the matter. The only decision then becomes to choose to follow your parents’ wishes.
8. Seek Guidance When Needed
When conflicts escalate, bring in an outside perspective. Family counseling or professional mediation can be invaluable for resolving disputes and making decisions with your parent’s best interest in mind. A third party mediator can often bring resolution to conflict by being an independent and outside resource that does not have a “side” chosen.
A social worker, family counselor, aging resource centers may be able to offer mediation assistance. A patient advocate such as Your Nurse Advocate Consulting can also be used in this situation. We can also help plan for healthcare needs and assist in looking at future needs.
Real-Life Stories
Linda’s Story
Linda’s family learned the hard way. Her parents avoided preparing any paperwork because they feared it would feel like admitting they were aging. When they became ill, Linda and her five siblings struggled to agree on long-term care decisions. The lack of preparation led to lingering tension and unresolved resentment among the siblings, this is still very fresh with her family and their father is now in assisted living. He is not competent to manage his own affairs and with little in writing this has left a huge point of contention among her siblings.
Pam’s Story
Pam’s family took a different approach and focused on communication and mutual respect. Each sibling was assigned appropriate roles based on their strengths. They kept a family Facebook page and group text chat where they coordinated caregiving decisions. For example, when their mom needed a new raised toilet seat, Pam’s sister took initiative, but the siblings quickly resolved it as a team when the first purchase didn’t work out. They donated the old chair to a local charity and adjusted their buying process for the future. While things aren’t always perfect, Pam says their teamwork has been key to success.
Resources
Caring for aging parents doesn’t have to feel overwhelming or isolating. We’ve created some free tools to make the process easier for your family to manage together.
- Family Meeting Agenda Template: Structure your discussions for more productive results.
- Siblings Caregiving Checklist: What needs to be addressed in preparing a family to take on the caregiving role.
Plus, we’re excited to announce “The Complete Sibling’s Guide to Caring for Aging Parents,” launching this spring! This comprehensive course offers step-by-step guidance, expert advice, and tools for handling every aspect of caregiving as a united family. Sign up here to join the waitlist and be the first to know when it’s available.
Thanks for stopping by and spending a few minutes of your valuable time with us. We don’t take your time lightly.
Pam and Linda,
Your Nurse Advocates
“Compassionate Care for Aging Parents, Peace of Mind for the Adult Children”
General Resources
Free Quiz: How Ready Are You and Your Siblings to Care for Your Aging Parents?
Your Nurse Advocate Free Resources
National Institute on Aging-Family Caregiving
About the Authors
At Your Nurse Advocate Consulting, Pam and Linda’s mission is to empower aging adults and their families to take control of their health, prepare for life’s uncertainties, and secure their peace of mind. We are dedicated to providing compassionate guidance, personalized support, and expert resources to help our clients navigate complex medical needs and organize their personal affairs.
As independent patient advocates we have a steadfast commitment to clarity, family well-being, and empowerment, we strive to make a meaningful impact by ensuring our clients feel confident, prepared, and cared for every step of the way on their healthcare journey.
Expert Guidance You Can Trust
With over 80 combined years of R.N. experience navigating the complex healthcare system, we stand as trusted guides for seniors and their families. Our expertise ensures they can access the care and resources they need without feeling overwhelmed by red tape or confusion.
