Imagine this: you and your siblings, who have taken different paths in life, are brought together by a common yet difficult responsibility – the care of your aging parents. This scenario is increasingly common in today’s society, where the dynamics of family caregiving are changing. In this blog post, we’ll explore overcoming the challenges adult siblings face in managing the care of their elderly parents with unity.
Does birth order make a difference? How was your relationship with you siblings growing up? What is the relationship each has with your parents? All of these things make a huge difference.
How do you determine who does what? What will Joe do and what won’t he do? Sally is willing to help but she lives 8 hours away from her parents. How can she help? So many scenarios play out in this situation.
Do you work in healthcare? Does the primary responsibility fall on you? Do you live close by to your parents so tag you’re it?
From the delicate balance between personal lives, and caregiving duties to the strains on relationships, we’ll look at the realities that many families face. But fear not, for we also offer strategies and insights to help you navigate this journey. The goal is strengthening family ties along the way with plenty of resources.
Welcome to a discussion on sibling collaboration in aging parent care—the hurdles, the hope, the struggles and the path forward.
The Challenge of Balancing Responsibilities
Balancing caregiving duties with personal and professional lives is a daunting task that many adult siblings face. When parents age, they often require more help with daily activities, medical needs, and emotional support. However, siblings may live in different cities, have demanding jobs, or be raising children of their own.
One major challenge is time management. Juggling work commitments with caregiving can lead to burnout and stress. According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, approximately 15-30% of adults provide care for an aging loved one. This often means sacrificing personal time and professional advancement. Feeling torn between these responsibilities can create tension among siblings.
Furthermore, the unequal distribution of caregiving duties can cause friction. When one sibling feels they are bearing the brunt of the workload, resentment can build. It’s essential to establish clear roles and expectations to prevent misunderstandings and ensure everyone contributes fairly.
Communication Breakdown
Effective communication is crucial in managing the care of aging parents, yet it often breaks down among siblings. Misunderstandings, assumptions, and unresolved conflicts over the years can hinder collaborative efforts leading to drama and arguments your aging parents hate to see happen.
One common barrier is differing perspectives and priorities. Each sibling may have their own opinions about the best course of action, leading to disagreements. Open, honest, and respectful communication is key to bridging these gaps.
Another issue is the lack of consistent updates. When siblings are not regularly informed about their parents’ condition or caregiving plans, it can lead to confusion and frustration. Establishing regular family meetings or using digital tools to share information can improve transparency.
Consider joining us for our Free Master Class “Bringing Siblings Together to Care for Aging Parents”. We will have a workbook, some forms and templates you can use for family meetings, agreements, and more. Get a deeper dive into this topic in an environment where you can ask questions and get on the spot answers.
Lastly, emotional baggage from past sibling relationships can resurface during caregiving discussions. Addressing these underlying issues through constructive dialogue or family therapy can help siblings work together more effectively.
Financial Strains and Legal Concerns
Financial and legal challenges are significant aspects of sibling caregiving that can strain relationships. Caring for an aging parent often involves costs related to medical care, home modifications, and daily living expenses. If an aging parent lives with you there may be a higher financial burden you take on and should be considered when discussing with siblings.
We had a client that worked out an amazing plan for himself. He took out a reverse mortgage on his home and gave what he thought was fair to his kids for their inheritance. They got the money now while they were younger and needed it the most.
The caveat was this, (brilliant) the deal was to accept this money the 4 children agreed to let dad stay with them for a month or 2 at a time and he rotated between his kids home and in between would stay at his own home. He requested that he have his own room when he stayed with one of his kids. He loves it and is having the best time in his golden years!
According to AARP, four in ten adults are currently caring for an aging parent, highlighting the prevalence of this responsibility among adult siblings. Navigating these financial responsibilities requires careful planning and open discussion.
Legal concerns, such as power of attorney and healthcare directives, also need to be addressed. It’s essential to ensure that all siblings are on the same page regarding these decisions to avoid future conflicts. Consulting with a legal expert can provide clarity and peace of mind. We believe the top 3 professionals to seek counsel from is your Estate Planning Attorney, Your Financial Advisor, and a Nurse Advocate to help you plan for any potential healthcare needs as you continue to age.
Having these documents in place is a very crucial step in siblings getting along to manage the care of their parents. Siblings may not agree on things like CPR vs No CPR, stopping treatments or continuing to fight as long as possible. What is important is that if the proper documents are in place indicating your parents’ wishes, it now becomes only a matter of honoring their decisions regardless of how each sibling feels. No conflict, just making sure things go the way mom and dad want them. No right way, no wrong way, just mom or dad’s way.
Strategies for Effective Collaboration
Overcoming the challenges of sibling caregiving requires effective collaboration and support. Here are some practical tips to help siblings work together harmoniously:
- Improve Communication: Use regular family meetings, group chats, or caregiving apps to keep everyone informed and involved.
- Divide Responsibilities: Clearly define roles based on each sibling’s strengths, availability, and willingness to contribute. This ensures a fair distribution of tasks. What is each sibling’s “zone of genius?”
- Seek Outside Support: Professional caregivers, nurse advocates, support groups, and community resources can provide additional help and reduce the burden on siblings. Oftentimes involving a third party is a good idea. You may not have credibility with your siblings but often the sibling group will listen to the recommendations of an expert that is unbiased in their views and only wants what is best for the family.
By implementing these strategies, siblings can create a more cohesive and supportive caregiving environment.
Case Studies and Success Stories
Real-life examples of siblings successfully managing caregiving responsibilities can be inspiring and informative. Consider the Shane family, who faced significant challenges in caring for their aging mother. Initially, the siblings struggled with communication and unequal task distribution. However, after establishing regular family meetings and openly discussing their concerns, they were able to work together more effectively.
There are 5 siblings in this family. 2 in healthcare, 1 in accounting, 1 in manufacturing, and 1 in construction. A wide skill set amongst siblings. The 3 sisters are the oldest with the brothers being siblings 4 and 5. 1 sibling lives 4 hours away, everyone else is local.
Early on this family determined what each sibling was able and willing to do. Schedules were set and any “spending” such as lawn care, big house repairs, etc. was managed by the accounting sibling and the cost was split 5 ways and each sibling paid this sister via Venmo.
The mom had all her legal documents in place and established her financial and healthcare power of attorney so no issues to argue over there.
The sibling that lives out of town manages several things such as keeping up with the “My Chart”, her online patient portal for the clinic, manages insurance issues, her biPap equipment, and orders meals and food at times. Even the adult grandchildren help out with yard work, and ordering via grub hub or Uber eats her favorite meals delivered to the house.
The sibling in construction handles all the major repairs and inside maintenance along with a grandson that is a plumber. The other brother lives the closest and is the one that ends up running over to the house as needed and does things like taking her garbage out to the road and watering her lawn.
The one sister in healthcare that is local, accompanies their mom to all her doctor appointments and keeps up with medications and any healthcare needs. She also does some house cleaning.
Sometimes you need to get creative. Find the tasks within the sibling’s wheelhouse that they are the most confident in doing and figure out the rest. This family doesn’t always agree on what is best for their mom, but mom has made her choices, and the family accepts and honors her wishes. The key is to remember it is not about any of us. We might do things differently for ourselves, but we have to respect and honor our parents’ requests whether we agree with them or not.
To work on your own family collaboration, consider once again joining us for our Free Master Class “Bringing Siblings Together to Care for Aging Parents.”
Conclusion
In summary, sibling collaboration in aging parent care is crucial for providing the best possible support to your loved ones. By understanding and addressing the challenges of balancing responsibilities, improving communication, managing financial and legal concerns, and implementing effective strategies, siblings can work together more harmoniously. Once everyone can realize you are coming together to support your parents and keep your parents needs and wishes at the forefront, things will better fall into place.
The significance of sibling cooperation cannot be overstated. It not only ensures that parents receive the care they need but also strengthens family bonds. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. Many families have navigated these challenges successfully, and so can yours.
If you’re ready to take the next step in managing the care of your aging parents with your siblings, consider our upcoming Free Master Class: “Bringing Siblings Together to Care for Aging Parents.” Choose your date and learn more HERE. Here we can provide insights on ways to work with your siblings as well as address helping with cares from long-distance. Get your guide and templates to help this collaboration run smoother. It may not be perfect, but again if everyone keeps their parents’ best interest first, we can often set aside some differences.
Thank you for reading, and we wish you the best on your caregiving journey along with your siblings!
Pam and Linda
Your Nurse Advocates
“Compassionate Care for Aging Parents, Peace of Mind for the Adult Children.”
Resources
Family Meeting Agenda Template
Free Webinar: “Bringing Your Siblings Together to Care for Aging Parents”
Your Nurse Advocate Free Resources
Video: Sharing the Load, When Siblings Struggle to Care for their Aging Parents.
