Pin This is one conversation no one wants to have with their aging parent. “Dad (or Mom), I don’t think you should be driving your car any longer”.  “Please consider as I don’t want to be forced to take your keys away.” How many times have you thought about that conversation that you know is coming soon? You feel the anxiety it causes just by thinking about it.  What is our responsibility and what are our concerns?  We are going to talk about than is in detail and hope to provide some guidance for you on how to gently handle this situation when and if it arises. We want you to become the hero not the villain! For some of us, the thought of telling our aging parent they can no longer drive is daunting. But it’s a conversation that needs to happen – for everyone’s safety. Driving is a privilege that should be taken away when it becomes unsafe for our parents or other drivers on the road. If you’re feeling nervous about having this conversation, read on for tips on how to make it happen. We love our parents and want to protect them. The problem is, they’re not kids anymore-they know what’s best for themselves, right? So how do you tell your aging parent that it might be time to stop driving without hurting their feelings or making them angry? It sounds like a daunting task, but we’ve got some pointers below on how you can gently broach the subject with less risk of an ugly confrontation. It’s hard to know when it’s time for an aging parent to stop driving. We want them to stay independent for as long as possible, but we don’t want them putting themselves or others in danger. So, how do you know when it’s time? And what should you say if it is time? We will guide you to the right time when it might be time to stop your parent from driving. You know it’s time to tell your aging parent to stop driving when: They start getting lost-Memory or cognition issues such as dementia may be a concern here.  Have difficulty parking in a tight space  Having trouble seeing at night or vision in general is impaired Begin to drive much slower than the speed limit causing everyone to try and pass them or avoid them. Showing you, they are unsure when driving. Being hard of hearing enough that they may not hear what is going on around them while driving. Has your parent started to get tickets while driving? Have you noticed dents in the car that may indicate small fender benders or multiple accidents? How is their reaction time? Are they able to break for an animal in the road or stop appropriately with a change in a traffic light? Last, but not least, you are no longer comfortable riding in the passenger seat with them. It can be hard for them to give up the independence that comes with being able to drive their own car, so you’ll need some tactful persuasion tactics. First of all, explain why driving is not safe anymore and what could happen if they keep on driving. Be gentle this is a tough one to take. Make sure the conversation is coming from a place of concern for their safety as well as the safety of others on the road. We don’t want an accident to happen to force them to realize they shouldn’t be driving any longer. Our mom was a hard-working woman and we will never forget the way the school bus company handled not wanting her to drive a school bus any longer. She was in her early 70s and had worked for the school bus company for many years. The grandkids always got a kick out her driving their charters for their sporting events. She became a celebrity with the kids. She also worked at a nursing home as a certified nursing assistant and really enjoyed that hard work. As siblings we started to worry about her continuing to drive the bus. We talked about it and started to discuss our concerns with mom. She was reluctant to stop. She said she was still very capable and she would quit when she knew she couldn’t handle it any more. We knew that since our dad died, she needed the money. The bus company came up with a very creative way to encourage her to make the decision on her own to stop driving their bus. The owner of the bus company gave my mom a great offer. It went something like this. “Alice, would you consider not driving the bus if we kept you at your same hourly wage? We will change your position with us to be an aide on the special need routes.” Our mom jumped on that offer and continued as an aide until she retired a few years later. She was able to stop driving AND maintain her dignity. The bus company realized she had other skills that could be useful to keep her employed. Try to work this in steps so to speak.  What we mean is as things change with their driving, address the concerns head on. Here are some suggestions. If they start complaining about driving at night make sure they get an eye exam. Cataracts are a potential part of the aging process for many of us and is one reason for the glare they may complain about driving at night. Think of some real reasons why they may be having difficulty. We would hate to take away car keys if something could be addressed with the eye doctor or primary care physician. If getting lost driving longer distances has become an issue, try this first. “Dad, I am concerned about how you got lost the other day and I am sure you were scared, and I was to.  Would you consider limiting your driving to around town … Continue reading 9 Tips to Know When It May Be Time to Tell Your Parent to Stop Driving and How to Handle It